


Nothing Without You

by DWImpala67



Category: Supernatural
Genre: 15x18, Angst and Feels, Boys In Love, Boys Kissing, Castiel is dead, Established Dean Winchester/Sam Winchester, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, POV Dean Winchester, Season 15 Episode 18, Season/Series 15, Season/Series 15 Spoilers, Sibling Incest, Sibling Love, The Author Regrets Nothing, Wincest - Freeform, otp: wincest - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-07
Updated: 2020-11-07
Packaged: 2021-03-09 03:26:50
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,102
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27438046
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DWImpala67/pseuds/DWImpala67
Summary: Dean and Castiel decide to hunt down and kill Death. When Death comes after them, Dean is hit wit many revelations and doesn't know how to respond. But once Castiel is gone, it hits Dean hard, just how much he's let down everyone, including his brother. Especially his brother. Sammy's back to save his brother from cracking. Like he always does.warning: Read the tags/notes before you read the fic.
Relationships: Dean Winchester/Sam Winchester
Comments: 16
Kudos: 221





	Nothing Without You

**Author's Note:**

> After watching the episode 18, I just had to write this. The episode was so badly written so I had to get into Dean's head and write how he would feel.  
> Warning: If you like the Dead Angel please don't read. Hate won't be tolerated. This is a wincest fic. 
> 
> Disclaimer: Characters belong to the showrunners. This is written purely for entertainment purposes. 
> 
> This is not a beta version. English is not my language so pardon please. All mistakes are mine. 
> 
> Happy Reading.

“Dean”

“Dean, where are you? Answer me, damn it.” Sammy’s voice echoed around the bunker. 

It feels good to hear his voice and know that he’s alright. But how do I reply? What do I tell him? How can I face him when all I did was let him down, again. Here sitting on the floor, holding my head held in my hands, I can’t stop my tears from flowing down my eyes. 

Everything seems to be falling apart and there’s nothing I can do about it. The devastating thing to know is that the one I thought was my best friend just betrayed me. I understand now, why the angel did everything in the past. From calling Sam an abomination to breaking the wall that Death put in his head and making him suffer to telling me at the last moment that he had made a deal with The Empty, it was all because he loved me. 

It’s stupid thing for anyone to say that they did horrible things to the one person I love, to the one person I care about in the entire world, just because they loved me. If this is the love that I get in return of trusting him, then I don’t want it. That kind of love can rot in hell for all I care. But to think that my Sammy suffered all these years just because the angel loved me is something I can’t process. All because of me. Had I never trusted the angel, he would never have entered our lives and never did these things to my little brother. Yet, I managed to screw up just like I seem to be doing all my life. I think I’ve perfected myself at screwing up better than I thought. 

“Dean, where the hell are you?” Sammy hollers again. 

There’s panic in his voice. I suppose working together for so long now we’re too used to being with each other. So if one of us goes off the kilter, the other one is bound to panic. It’s the pleading in his voice, though, that makes me crack.

“In here, Sammy.” I reply.

I can never deny anything to my Sammy. It’s probably one of the reasons why when we were kids, I used to let him have my share of food. A wet chuckle escapes my throat when I remember how sweet and innocent my Sammy was. No,  _ is _ . And I get angry again at the fate that had befallen him just because the damn angel decided he loved me! My sweet little Sammy had to suffer so much. The anger gets better of me and I throw my phone towards the floor and watch as it cracks into pieces, just like my soul right now. I’m afraid...afraid to face my brother. How am I suppose to stand in front of him and tell him that everything he had to go through was because of me! He’ll hate me then. That is something I cannot live with. 

I love my little brother. Of course I do. But I maybe a bit more than I should. I know it’s not allowed but I don’t care. We’re well past that boundary, that invisible line which stopped at brothers and I’d been thrilled the day that we crossed the line that now makes us more than just brothers. He’s my lover. My partner. My everything. If Sammy’s not with me, I don’t know what else to do with my life. I  _ need _ him.

I hear the footsteps and I know Sammy’s here with Jack tailing behind him. I don’t look up. _ I can’t _ . I can feel Sammy’s concern flowing through from where he’s standing at the door of the room. I can’t muster up the courage to look into the soulful eyes of my brother and tell him what just happened. But I know he won’t let it go. He’ll ask me till the time we have a little “heart to heart” which will piss me off. In the end though, I’m sure I’ll be spilling everything to him. After all, he’s the only one who ever understood me. 

“Dean, hey. What happened?” Sammy is now crouching down in front of me, holding my knees. The mere touch sends thrill down my spine. How am I supposed to tell you the horrible truth, Sammy? 

“Dean are you crying? Hey, no…” Sam tried to hold my chin up and make e look at him but I duck my head down and let tears flow silently. “Dean, look at me.” 

There goes again, the pleading in his voice. I just can’t deny that and the little shit knows it very well. Sometimes even uses for his advantage. I can’t fault him though. We’re all at our wits end. He just lost his friend too. Eileen. Then there’s the case of Jack. He’s bound to be anxious. So I look up only to get lost into the color changing hazel eyes. They are just mesmerizing. Now more so because they are full of emotions. He gently wipes away my tears with his thumbs and cups my face with both his hands. 

“What’s wrong, Dean? Where’s Cass?” 

The mere mention of the angel makes me angry. It must have reflected in my eyes, because the next thing I know, Sammy’s face goes tense. There’s worry in there and I need to calm him before we both become a crumbling mess. 

“Billie came after us. And, Cass... Cass is gone.” I manage to tell him. He goes rigid. However stupid the angel might have been, I know for Sam he was still a friend. He cared about him. That’s exactly how Sammy is, loving and caring. There’s one thing that I hide from him. It’s because I feel ashamed that I didn’t pay any heed to my brother’s warnings. Sammy had warned me time and again that there was something weird about how the angel looked at me or even behaved with me. I always passed it up as my brother’s jealousy or over observation skills. But this time, he was dead on right. The angel had been weird with me because he was in love with me, and the fucker told me just before he died. I want to see if Sammy can call me out on my lie though. Usually he knows if I’m telling the truth or not. This time, I wait for him to ask and sure enough, his question is ready. 

“What are you not telling me, Dean?”

“He made a deal with Empty back when Jack died.” I look at the kid standing right behind Sammy. He looks surprised, eyes wide, the look on his face disbelieving. I feel sorry for the kid. The angel had been a kind of relative of his, helped him show ropes when it came to doing angelic stuff. Jack was bound to be upset. I look back at Sam and continue, “He made a deal that when he is at the happiest moment in his life, that’s when the Empty will kill him. Billie was after us and would have killed us if not for Cass….” I trail off. Because I can’t say he angel sacrificed himself. No...he was selfish once again and did what he  _ thought  _ was best. Never considering how it would make me feel. I know I’m stalling as don’t want to tell this to Sammy but I know I will have to. I have to create a diversion. My brother doesn’t let me though. 

“And if he’s gone then he was at the happiest moment in his life. What was it, Dean?” 

There’s an edge to his voice. I have a feeling that he knows it already. “H-he s-said…”

“Yes.” Sammy coaxes me.

“He said he loved me. That telling me this was the best thing of his life… the happiest moment of his life.” I tell him in a rush. I feel so awkward and ashamed. My brother has gone still. He’s looking at me with big eyes, jaw clenched, and blazing fury in his eyes. He pulls his hands back and I’m feel cold, so cold as if my breath is taken away. I never want to be away from my brother, even an inch of distance between us feels like a thousand miles. I need to feel him, is touch, feel the assurance that he’s still with me. I apologize immediately thinking I’ve enraged him, “I’m so sorry, Sammy.”

He goes soft in an instant. “No, Dean. You have nothing to apologize for. The angel though...it’s good he’s dead or I might just have stabbed him with angel blade or dipped him in holy oil.” 

I’m taken aback by those venomous words. Even for Sammy, this is an extreme expression. He cools down though and looks at me with fond expression in his eyes. “Are you ok? I know he was a best a best friend to you. I’ so sorry, Dean. I wish…”

I know that train of thought. Sammy would have done everything in his power to save the said angel, because he meant something to me. For once, I’m glad that wasn’t the case. “No, Sammy. If ...I’m glad you weren’t here. He’s…” I look at Jack and we share a look. Jack understands and slowly exits the room. “When he said he loved me, it meant he did everything for me. Everything he didn't was because he loved me. Sammy, can’t you understand what he did? He made you suffer, because of me. How can you even say that you could have found a way for him to survive?”

“Nothing was because of you, Dean. You didn’t do anything. Trust me when I say, it’s not on you. Castiel is to blame. Not you. As far as saving him is concerned, it’s simple, Dean. He was your friend.”

“And what about your friends, Sammy? I killed Amy back in the day, just to keep you safe. Hell, I killed your friend because I felt insecure. How can you be so selfless, Sammy?”

“Because I love you, De.”

There’s a vulnerability there. I can see right through him. I can’t stand the distance between us. I slowly get up and pull Sammy with me. As soon as we’re vertical, I embrace him in a tight hug. Countless times, Sammy had told me that the angel loved me. He had been insecure about our friendship from the start. It pains me to think that I failed to assure my little brother just how much valuable he is to me. I whisper in his ear, “There’s only ever been you, Sammy. No one else. Even if the angel had told me his feelings when alive, I couldn’t have reciprocated his feeling back. You know why?”

I know he knows the answer. I can feel my brother smile and I know he’s crying too as his tears soak my shoulder. I also know, he needs to hear it out loud, “Why?” He pulls back and looks at me.

“Because I love you, Sammy. Only you.” I crush my mouth against his. The soft lips, the sweet taste of his on my tongue makes me want to bury myself so deep within him that no one can tell where one begins and the other ends. It’s passionate, hard and soothing, all at once. Like always, I get lost in the kiss and every inch of my soul dances to the tunes of Sammy’s kiss. When we come up for air, he’s smiling so bright that his dimples pop out, I can’t help but kiss him again, all strokes of tongue and indulge a bit more, ending the kiss with small little pecks on his lips. 

My brother crushes me hard against is chest and it’s the best feeling in entire world. I want to take my brother back in my bedroom and make sweet love to him, take him apart slowly and put him back together and cherish his existence. I can’t do that, not now. I know we don’t have much time left to save whatever is left of this world but once it’s done and even if we don’t make it, at least in heaven, I’ll make sure Sammy knows just how much I love him. He’s my entire world, the purpose of my existence, the reason of my living and I am ready to let this world burn if it meant I have to save Sammy. 

There ain’t no me, if there ain’t no you, little brother.

  
_The End._  
  
  
  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading. Let me know what you think.


End file.
